My letter to Robert Pattinson

Dear Robert Pattinson,

Since there are so many people worldwide who want to date you (or by your defination, scream at you) I just thought I should put up a good fight and make a proposal to you and give you reasons on why you should date me.

1. Unlike most of your fans who think you are dashingly hot and handsome, I happen to think you are uglyly handsome. Ugly is good because ugly is unique. Yet, the fact that you are ugly and still capture my attention means that you are special.

2. Love at first sight. I fell in love with you the first moment I saw your half-gay portrait on mugglenet the moment you were confirmed as Cedric Diggory. Then I stared at the picture longer and started to find all the flaws in it. I then spent 3 days after watching The Goblet of Fire cursing you for destroying the beautiful gorgeous image of Cedric I had built in my mind. But I still fell in love with you at first sight. Not for the seconds that followed but the very first sight all the same.

3. I read somewhere that people who like you are (or as you claim only scream at you) either older women or young teenage girls. I am proud to announce that I’m not a young teenage fangirl but unfortunately I am older…. By just 4 months. Still, we are both born in 1986! And will both be 23 in 2009. Isn’t that just perfect?

4. If you end up dating Natalie Portman I might curse you because it’s not very fair. I like her very much and to hate her just because of you is reason for me to hate you. But still, I can’t hate you because I love you! Ta-da!

5. Unlike many fangirls and/or Hollywood acquaintances who are going to want to be with you for your money yet hide that fact from you, I will graciously reveal it now that I am with you for your money, that I love money and that you have it. Yet, despite all that, I don’t need your money. I am a qualified engineer with the resources to get my own money. But why do that when I can have yours? :)

6. I quote this article:

“She stood outside my apartment every day for weeks – all day, every day.
“I was so bored and lonely that I went out and had dinner with [her].”
“I just complained about everything in my life and she never came back.”

Though I really can’t be bothered to stalk you so often (I have better things to do with life like google pictures of you being stalked), I dare you to do that to me. Because everything that you can complain about, I assure you I can complain about it 10 times more. Oh and if you take me to dinner I promise to stalk you. (Provided you pay for my ticket to London or LA or wherever you are seeing as how I am in Malaysia.)

7. If you were with me, you will be forced to stop that glowering look you give cameras that make teenagers fall for you and only the cute amused smile you give paparazzi. Thus, you lose all your teenage fans and no one will scream at you anymore Ta-da!

8. I love your personality that I know nothing about. Despite claims that you are not as charming as Edward Cullen and all that rubbish, you ‘dazzle’ me as much as Edward does Bella. Looking at all of the reasons to hate you that I have listed above, I still somehow managed to love you. Therefore, you have officially ‘dazzled’ me and thus, it is only your responsibility to right it by dating me.

9. While being in Hollywood can get frustrating, I assure you you will find no better partner than me simply because I am a bit of a loner too. I can’t be bothered about many things in life which I deem as trivial. So you are free to do whatever you want at whatever costs. Meanwhile, I will be sleeping after spending your money buying myself a gorgeous big bed.

10. I have OCD. Therefore, any house of yours will be neat and clean. Cleaned by the maid I have hired from your money of course. :D Then I will double clean it. For the first 2 days to impress you. Then I will just hire a second maid.

So because you say people don’t ask you out on dates, I’m going to do one better. I have thus, listed reasons on why you should date me before asking you out on a date. Isn’t this the best date proposal you have ever received? So don’t date Paris Hilton, Rob, date ME!

And here it is – the big question:
Robert Pattinson, would you like to date me? :)

P.S. Rob, I’m not making fun of you. This is not a parody like letter. It’s what I truly feel. See? We can both be cynical and moody and cryptic together. It's a beautiful love/hate relationship we have here. How can we not be M.F.E.O.*? :D We're just weird like that.

Regards,
Your admirer.

*Made for each other